Introducing my blog

The purpose of my blog is share my success with overcoming Spasmodic Dysphonia in the hope that those of you who have it will inspired to do the same. I was diagnosed with Spasmodic Dysphonia in 2002. That was after struggling with a 'strangled voice' since 1995. Since then I have overcome the problem by using the same approach that Dr. John Sarno uses to heal back pain. If you have SD and an open mind, I suggest you go to the library and check out one of his books. The Mind Body Prescription is a good start. Better yet, start googling his name and you will find lots of free information on the web.

Meanwhile, here is my story. Below is what I wrote to someone in 2003. At this time, I was convinced that there was no cure and botox was the only answer ... you might say I 'drank the botox'!

Recently, someone asked me what natural approaches I tried before deciding to use Botox for ADSD. I was stunned as I composed my email response to her. I have tried so many things that I thought some of you might be interested and/or can identify. In summary, the natural approaches helped me feel better; more centered, more relaxed, and gave me the "illusion" of control. I still use many of the techniques described below. But nothing really relaxed the strangled, gripping feeling in my throat or eliminated the strained quality of my voice. And while I am glad I had the Botox shot (Dec 11, 2002), and will get another one when needed, I am going to try laryngeal massage next. I hope my narrative below is helpful to some of you.

When I first noticed a problem with my voice (1995), I thought it was just strain from talking too loud. I rested my voice, but the strain didn't go away. So then I thought I was drinking my tea too hot (!) and had somehow damaged my cords. So I stopped drinking hot tea and went to an ENT to make sure it wasn't cancer!

At first my ENT thought it was acid reflux, so I changed my diet, raised the head of my bed, etc. Used some prescription antacids for a while. A year passed without any change in my voice. So I figured I was on my own. I didn't see a doctor about this again until 2000.

Since acid reflux didn't seem to be the problem, I figured it was from stress or muscle tension caused by stress. So I started meditating, started therapy, did Yoga, did restorative Yoga, did breathing meditations, deep breathing exercises, etc. I continue to do all of these things -- but not because they help my voice! They just make me feel good!

Three years passed. I again thought it was stress on my vocal cords because I do so much public speaking. So I rested my voice again. Then I started taking singing lessons to help strengthen my vocal cords and learn to breath more deeply from my diaphragm. I discovered I love to sing, so I joined the Church choir. But the techniques from my singing were too difficult to transfer to my talking.

Another year or so passed. By now, I suspected this is spasmodic dysphonia, but didn't want to believe it (I found out about SD by putting the phrase "strained voice" in the google search engine.) and I didn't want to believe that it was something I couldn't control.

Sooooo, I went the Morton Cooper route. Read every book, purchased and viewed every video and listened to all his tapes, did his exercises daily, I even called him and spoke with him. I found a little relief with his techniques, but could not sustain a "normal" voice without tremendous effort and concentration. As a result, I would lose my train of thought while speaking and was exhausted at the end of the day. This started to effect my business (I'm a consultant who does sales calls, conducts training, etc.). So when Cooper offered to help me for $6,000 for a week long intensive with him in L.A., I briefly considered doing this, but thought surely I could find someone closer to NY. So I tried another vocal "guru" who doesn't believe in "spasmodic dysphonia" (like it is a religion?) named Arthur Joseph. He was also from the west coast, but came to NY frequently, so after listening and viewing all of his tapes and practicing his techniques religiously (it is a religion!!!!), I found a little relief, but couldn't sustain it. So I met with him face to face about a dozen times.

Again, I found some relief, but Arthur's techniques were also too difficult to sustain when doing a presentation, and took too much concentration to talk in a spontaneous manner. Arthur is a very sweet man. But he kept coaching me to be more "confident" about myself. In my very weak and strained voice, I kept trying to tell him "I am confident, I just don't sound that way!" Very frustrating!!!!

So finally, in 2001, I went back to the ENT, who did not think that I had SD, and he again gave me a prescription for nexium and referred me to a speech pathologist who (unknown to me at the time) has SD-AB. She worked with me for about 6 weeks before I discovered she was "one of us". She was very helpful, but again, the techniques were just too difficult to sustain -- and I guess by now you can see how determined and disciplined I was to overcome this problem. So for me to admit I couldn't do it was a real turning point.

In 2002, this same ENT suggested I might have SD and referred me to Dr. Woo at Mt. Sinai in NYC. By now, I believed I had SD. But I first decided to try acupuncture. I found the same acupuncture protocol for SD on the web. I printed it out and went to two practitioners, one who tried to follow the protocol and one who practiced Chinese acupuncture and didn't care what the "diagnosis" was. I felt an overall sense of well being from the acupuncture (and stopped peeing so much!!!! a whole other story!), but my voice was still strained. I tried acupuncture for 8 weeks - twice and sometimes three times a week. Deep down, I knew this wasn't helping and the stress of fitting in all of these acupuncture appointments was getting to me. Not to mention that the Chinese acupuncturist suggested I swallow a raw egg with vinegar daily! After doing this for 8 weeks, the Botox seemed a reasonable alternative!

At some point during all of this, I became familiear with Dr. Sarno's approach. He is the "back pain" doctor who believes that most back pain (and other forms of muscle tension and SD) is cause by "repressed rage". Basically, his premise is that the unconscious needs to find a way to express the rage without bringing it to consciousness - because it would be too horrible to face!!!! So the mind, in its wisdom, expresses the rage through muscle tension as a form of "distraction". So you focus on the physical pain, not the rage that’s welling up inside. Some of you may be chuckling here, but expressing rage and anger is very difficult and is something I struggle with. He has a systematic program for "deprogramming" the expression rage through muscle tension. While I intellectually agreed and understood his approach...I was not able to fully apply it and so I simply dismissed it.

So, I cried "Uncle" and went to Dr. Woo at Mt. Sinai in NYC on Dec 11, 2002 for the first of several Botox shots. While I was breathy for 5 weeks, the voice eventually became resonant and smooth and there is no tension in my throat.

OK...we are now back to the present (New Year's Eve 2007). And I no longer have SD. I'll save how I did that for another post. Have to go celebrate the New Year!